Before anything else, I just have to clarify. I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON THIS TOPIC. I just mainly chose this title because 1) I think it's catchy (o 'di ba, feeling witty bird), and 2) it will get people clicking on the link. Kidding aside, I just want to be more personal with blogging and be raw with our lives. Sometimes, the whole notion of branding in blogging today clouds my reason as to why we created it in the first place, when in reality we just wanted to share our lives with zero pretense and lots of authenticity.
Now let's get down and honest
I am currently in a season of my life where I'm trying to tame my emotions, effortfully pressing on the brakes and grasping tightly on to its leash. I've learned to acknowledge them, but over the course of time, only by God's grace, I feel like I've given it less importance than the way I used to, and it's a good thing.
It's no secret, I am a firecracker. I can be intense and excited and passionate about life and people, and sometimes, it backfires on me. Not that these characteristics are a bad thing, it's just that sometimes, I let my emotions get the best of me. I let it rule me, and I let it mess up my thoughts with overthinking and overanalyzing. This is why I'm giving myself a pat on the back right now (seriously, you just can't see me), because I feel like I've matured in some ways on how I handle my emotions, especially on liking someone (thanks to my real friends too, who always slap the delusions out of me).
The last bad crash I experienced from the high of liking someone was not so long ago. I really liked this guy I met in church because he really was indeed likable. He's charming, engaging, yet mysterious. What's not to like? I got to know more of the guy when we were able to work together, and having spent so much time, my emotions blew up more than it should've. I think he was just generally being nice to me, but I've mistaken a lot of his humor as flirty gestures that could've possibly meant something. I would often feel bad when he would assure me of hangouts and catch up dates that never made it to reality. This made me question a lot about myself, and honestly, it made me a tad bit bitter at the guy (I'm OK now though, I promise).
In hindsight, I shouldn't have given him that upper-hand. I should've guarded my heart, although I honestly think he should've been careful with his words and actions too, but that's a whole different story. The only cards I can deal with are the ones that have been handed to me, so in this situation, I can only take control of my responses.
Having said I feel like I'm currently maturing on this subject, here are some golden nuggets of wisdom I've picked up along the way (and learned from one of my favorite JS Park books, The Christianese Dating Culture).
Which brings me to...
3.) FRIENDZONE IT. Just because you have strong feelings of admiration for someone doesn't mean you have to act on it. Assess the season you're in. Are you ready for a committed relationship, or are the romanticized, euphemized ideals of it are just playing and messing with your head? Also, enjoy the friendship and focus on it as it is (up until it blossoms into something else).
To be honest, I've objectified guys in the sense that I always think about what they can offer me when I start entertaining thoughts about possibly dating them. I had to intentionally catch myself and guard my heart. I know these are such cliche lines, but trust me, it's the only way to go.
JS Park wrote, "A lot of this random "crushing" is from our culture of "What can you do for me?" which leads to objectification and dehumanization. I know that sounds pretentious, but even objectifying an idea of romance or some ideal mystery dude is still using someone for what they can do. That tingle-twitch you get from flirting is just an ego boost because we like it when someone might like us back. On a long enough timeline, it leads to others getting or becoming a self-marketing meat on display. Friendship is the only way to cure that predicament. When you're in the art of being friends with the opposite gender, you'll find a love for them that doesn't regard their physical appearance or "dating material" level. It only regards them for who they are. This is tough to do, but if you can hang out in groups and protect your friends' dignity, your mind gets rewired to enjoy them for them. It's how God loves us and how we're called to love others. Don't turn your opposite-gender friends into possible dating candidates. Quit dragging them through the attraction-evaluation in your brain. You need a timeout to regain perspective and remember who you are in Christ." This statement cut me to the core, man. Basag trip! But I needed it.
I guess I wanted to share this because I officially wanna break away from my own bad habits upon liking someone, and I think this is also a form of empowerment, for you girls. Be smart about your emotions. I know we are often boxed and stereotyped as emotional freaks of nature, but we can always rise above 'em and be wise about where and how we situate our hearts. :)