The Comeback (Danah)

What is a comeback? It’s a return of someone or something that involves some type of improvement--a second version, a new attitude. With the events that have happened to me plus the things I’ve learned over the past year, this is exactly what I aspire to do--to have a comeback. But honestly? I think I’ve moved far way past that.

Today, I work for an advertising agency as a senior copywriter and absolutely love what I do. I get to create. My concepts, ideas, thoughts and words are valued. The people I work with are crazy-fun and it’s not often that you get to play at work everyday. I have good friends--friends I can call and run to right in the middle of a storm on a weeknight after they get off work and whip me up a hearty dinner, even when they have the liberty to rest instead. I am blessed with harmonious relationships in my family, work and outside both. You may think these are relatively normal things a decent human being possesses, but if you met me a year ago, shrouded by this dark cloud called depression that is seemingly hopeless, I don’t have any of these. I was absolutely empty.

My 2012 was supposedly the mark of my formative years as a young adult. I had just resigned from my first job, had a thriving future in blogging and a multitude of opportunities. But it was also the year where PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a hormonal disorder among females) took over my health and sanity. As a lot of physical changes occurred in my body—the weight gain, the increased testosterone (male hormones), the horrifyingly skin-scarring acne and hirsutism—I started acting out… mostly like a man. I was diagnosed with PCOS in November 2011 and thinking that it’s just another medical condition that wouldn’t have much bearing in my physique let alone my life, I set the doctor’s follow up appointment aside. It was only during the last week of January 2012 that I noticed a lot of changes in my body. I was very hormonal and it influenced the way I acted and it affected my decision-making a lot. I made poor life choices, devalued my worth, hurt a lot of people close to me (knowingly and unknowingly) and lost a lot of good friends—friends I’ve expected to stay for life--who have been shocked with this unfamiliar side of me…  this new personality I carried around. It was one of the most painful things that happened to me, but I can also sincerely say that it was definitely the most experiential and learning time of my life.

After the entire chaos of the first half of the year, I’ve decided to lay low… to ponder about the whizzing and slurring of events happening right before my eyes. It was also then that I met this stranger online, who at first was the ultimate crushable deamboat who rolled with the jabs of my craziness, was attracted to my body for what it was and had the most adorable singing voice ever—or so I thought. He ended up being a weirdo, a verbally abusive catfish who promised nothing but dim illusions and had nothing more than a supply of fake pictures of a hunk. The guy didn’t even have the decency to show himself on cam. Depression was starting to creep in, and I can only be grateful he has stopped bothering me with suicide messages and debt requests.

My depressive episode lasted for about 6 months. I was a bum who was often left at home. Most of my days were spent crying, overthinking, staring blankly at walls and then some more of hysterical crying. My personal hygiene and social life were nonexistent. All I could focus on and think about was the failure that I have believed to be myself. I was immensely disappointed at me. I felt hopeless. How can I, a woman empowerment advocate, go through all these crap? How could I have allowed someone to take advantage of me in so many ways? How could I have let my emotions get to this point? Why me, of all people? I know I am smarter than this and extremely better than this… so what the hell happened to me? It’s bad enough to be in a depressive state, but what’s worse is feeling so ashamed that you’re in one.  I just felt like I have failed myself to such a high level of intensity that there is no way for me to get back up. Every night, I remember praying to God to take me just so I don’t feel so sorry for myself every single day. I remember my mom trying to appease my emotional suicide by supplying me with absolutely anything that can spark a hobby or a passion. I remember my twin sister sneaking behind my back to get me tickets to Boracay for a high school reunion just so I’d join them. I remember my family doing all the best they could to put back the pizzazz in me that was once there. 

Looking back, I can’t help but just be sheer grateful with all of my soul for the people that God has taken away from me, because He knows who deserves my love, care and affection; more than that, I can be nothing but thankful for the people He allowed to stay in my life and the strong ones He sent down my way to pull me out of the deep and dark muddy pits of despair.

Right this moment, I am just in a good place in my life. God’s timing is everything. From the accidental job I love right now, to the amazing friends I have met along the way up to the surprising wave of unexpected opportunities that’s overflowing right in front of us  just in time for our blog’s relaunch, I am just again blown away by God’s perfect timing. He is indeed never too early and never too late. My life is placed in the hands of the author of time; I need not to worry about ANYTHING. His Love has never failed to give me hope and I can genuinely say that amongst all the things I tried mustering internal strength from during my darkest days, it was really His love and grace that allowed me to hold on.

I am done rejecting my story. It is mine and I will embrace it. My past may have been dirty, but I am washed clean by His blood. I am made new. I am now wiser, stronger and better. This is indeed Danah version 2.0, and I am joyful, grateful and excited about everything life has to offer… and I am beyond happy that you are with me on this journey.

This photo shoot is to celebrate this new beginning, this new chapter of my life. I want to personally thank Zeus Martinez, Kaycee Lim and Shekinah Bangsil for making this possible. These three people in my life have showed me--through their love, patience and acceptance, Jesus in the flesh. :)

Plump love,
Danah

The Plump Pinay x The Boudoir Dolls II... SOON.

Let's take a look back at our past photo shoot with the photo goddesses, The Boudoir Dolls, shall we? ;)

Danah

Stacy

We can't wait! We are so excited for this!

The Comeback

Thanks to:

Shek for the location
Zeus Martinez Photography
Kaycee Lim Makeup

EXTRA SPECIAL FEATURE: "You don't see sexiness, you feel it."

I believe that behind every child's success is a loving stage mother (haha!). Kidding aside, there is truth to this, right? As y'all know, this blog aims to boost women's confidence and self-esteem regardless of size and shape, and we think that over the past years, it has quite achieved exactly that. But other than our desire to share our strong beliefs, behind this blog's humble success is a person who has never ceased to give us confidence and affirmation about our advocacy--someone who has been with us since day one, someone who embodies everything we believe in. She's the woman behind cameras coaching us how to project, how to make poses, giving gestures on which angle is best for the photo, the woman who rallies votes for us when we're competing in a campaign... and that woman is no other than the REAL PLUMP-INAY herself, our gorgeous, talented and amazing momma bear, Angela! :)

Just recently, Angela had a sexy boudoir shoot. Although this is a first time experience for her, she didn't feel nervous at all. Knowing that she's in the hands of a top fashion photographer, Jav Velasco, made her comfortable and excited at the same time. "I want to show everyone that even if I'm not slim, I still appreciate my body and can show it off somehow, as long as it's for a cause, as long as it's gonna be posted in The Plump Pinay. I wanna inspire people who are of my same size that they too, can be beautiful and sexy at the same time." she quips, when asked why she chose to get on with the shoot. 

For Angela, confidence seems to be innate, and self-security is where it stems from. "I really appreciate myself. I know that I am created beautifully, that I am unique, special, extremely blessed, highly favored and mightily protected. That's where I get my confidence, knowing I am special." Looking back, she almost seems like a different person; she hasn't always been this glamorous and fashionable. A bad breakup became her tipping point to self-reinvention and fashion exploration. She said, "I told myself that the best thing I can do to get back at this person is to show the world that I am happy and beautiful." Which has been as a blessing in disguise because it has, since then, inspired her to dress up and improve her make up skills. "Since I handle marketing of an international brand, I just figured I must look good all the time, since I meet a lot of people and I go out a lot for meetings, interviews and events."

Embracing this good change in style and image (she has no style icons, she goes with self-style), Angela, however, has discovered that it's not always easy to shop for her fashion finds, but that doesn't stop her from doing some retail therapy. "A lot of stores don't offer plus size clothes so I go to shops where I can be comfortable with my figure and choose from a wide range of designs." Her favorite stores are Dorothy Perkins, Marks and Spencer and Promod and her fashion must-haves are accessories. As for her make up must-do? "It's all about the contour."  

Being where she is now, Angela has truly defied a lot stereotypes and has broken a lot norms--from being a young, single mom to being a genuine Plump Pinay. And in her own words, "A Plump Pinay is someone who celebrates her body. Sexiness for me is not something you see with your bare eyes. You feel it. The word sexy is not related or hinged to a specific body type, because sexiness is what you exude from inside out. It's also important that you feel happy all the time, just like me. I'm happy, contented and very much in love." No wonder she has a growing number of followers on instagram (@angeluscious) and real life--she's Wonder Woman in the flesh -- with more curves to love. 

LIFE DANCE: Welcome to the Circus of Life

I've always wanted to be part of our country's different festivals, and I'm so happy that I am FINALLY making it happen! SINULOG will be my first-ever festival experience, and I'm so excited! As a house music and EDM lover, I am so looking forward to raving and partying in the Queen City of the South and being one of the hundreds (if not thousands) of people who are attending Life Dance! I cannot express enough how psyched I am to actually be in Cebu--I even dreamt that I was already there last night, waiting for the epic event to start! And the moment it finally did, my mom woke me up to get ready for work. AAAAAAAAH!!! ! I guess I'm just gonna have to wait for the real thing! :) 

If you'll be in Cebu for this most-awaited event, let's party together! Just send me a tweet (@anastazcia) if you'll be in Life Dance too, I'd be happy to meet all our Cebuano followers!

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Legwork Paradiso Productions bring you the return of the Philippines’ hottest dance party ever! LifeDance 2013 brings to Cebu a mind-blowing lineup of international DJs to preach the party gospel to the swarming crowd. On Friday, January 18, 2013, the outdoor extravaganza begins, kicking off Sinulog weekend with a potent blast of intense mayhem. Come join partyphiles from all over the Philippines, Southeast Asia and beyond for an all-night fest that will change you forever! 

Warning: Don’t miss it!